yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
