11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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