I won't be sarcastic... just naked
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
