Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
