He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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