Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
