today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
