My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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