They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
