These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
