i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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