screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
