I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
