I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
