To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
