No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
