hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
