great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
