I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
