Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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