I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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