there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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