Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
