I'm so fucking centered right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
