how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
