I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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