Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
