Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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