I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
