He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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