You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I touched a dick in church today
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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