my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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