i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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