ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
