if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
