oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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