do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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