There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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