So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
where are my eyebrows?
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