Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
