she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
