You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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