I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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