We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
