like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What a dumb baby whore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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