According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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