who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I just sharted jello shots
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