Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
