she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
