I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
