New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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