Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
