i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
