so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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