You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
