yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
