I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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