they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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