I can text with my tongue
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
