i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
