Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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