All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
