Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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