I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
